Mary Ellen Goggin
Couples don’t always realize the damage they do to their marriage when they don’t talk through their problems. They hold back from expressing negative feelings such as anger, fear, and disappointment. When couples let unexpressed negative feelings accumulate, they unwittingly build is a wall between them. Each time an unresolved conflict goes unaddressed, a brick is added to the wall. The bigger the wall , the harder it is for couples to talk and feel close. Disconnection puts the relationship at risk.
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Our words account for only a tiny percentage of communication. Messages are also communicated by body language, facial expression, vocal tone, and other qualities of voice. If your words do not match with the tone of your non-verbal communication, then you are sending a mixed message. Mixed messages pose a problem for the receiver, who gets confused and sometimes feels the need to ask for clarification. By learning how to communicate with clarity, you learn to align your words, vocal tone, facial expression, and body language. Alignment of all the elements of communication leads to more coherent communication and reduces confusion and friction in relationships.
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Why wait for relationship happiness when you can jump-start the process? In the exercises from our past few posts, you’ve tuned into the deepest parts of yourself. Perhaps you discovered new aspects of your personality and behavior. Maybe you took a closer look at certain traits you’ve spent your life trying to ignore. You might…
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With all the turmoil happening in the world around us, each of us can benefit from learning how to create calmness within. Let’s start learning about your still point, the quiet place inside you where you are free of turmoil, self-judgment, and real-life pressures.
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Why Me? Can’t we just fix the relationship? If, like most people, what you really want to do is fix your relationship right now, why are you asked to focus on yourself? You know what the problems are, and if your partner would change, so would your relationship. You’re probably thinking: Why start from square…
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Couples always ask us to teach them communication skills. Usually they are having trouble understanding where their partners are coming from. Their communication breaks down quickly when the broach a topic they disagree about. They cannot understand how they get caught in what we call “the 0-60 ramp up phenomenon”: it takes a minute to…
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Savor life (and love) this summer. Summer is a time to kick-back, lighten up and be more carefree. I don’t know about you, but all month I’ve had that wonderful last-day-of-school feeling, which is a combination of relief, new-found freedom and excitement. I’m going with it and letting this recaptured feeling build. Summer seduces me…
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Have you ever noticed that some people in your life are direct, to the point and crystal clear about their opinions on a wide range of topics? They have a “direct” communication style. Other people use an indirect style. They spend more time developing their point and are afraid to create tension or discomfort, especially…
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