Relationship Power Struggle: Controlling Relationships

Many couples spend their evenings “together” watching television. While they want a non-demanding way to relax after work, tensions often arise when couples struggle over what they’re going to watch. I know a lot of men who watch sports and the news. Period. They’re not interested in Two and A Half Men or Thirty Rock. They have no patience for Dancing with the Stars or American Idol.

Men want to dominate the TV. Period. Women often capitulate and give up their own shows, choosing togetherness over viewing pleasure. Sometimes they read or catch-up on Facebook while watching. Some women give up togetherness and watch what they like in a different room. There is no ideal solution. Everyone is different, but in the spirit of healthy relationships, I offer some questions to consider.

  • What role does television play in your life?
  • Does it enhance your life, or is it an easy default position, or a way of numbing yourself?
  • What effect is television having on your relationship/family?
  • Does television make you feel more cohesive or encourage intimacy?
  • Do you and your partner talk about the impact of television?
  • How do you select which shows to watch?
  • How is power around these choices delegated?
  • Does someone have veto power?
  • Do you and your partner discuss the content of shows and/movies?
  • What is the quality of those discussions?
  • Do you tend to hold similar or different views about shows?

Television plays a central role in contemporary American life. If used intentionally, it offers a shared experience for a couple and enhances the quality of connection. Through communication with your partner about television in your life, you can decide to use it creatively to bring you closer together. At the same time you can practice give and take, and giving up control.

Dr. Jerry Duberstein is the author of the book, Relationship Transformation: How to Have Your Cake and Eat It Too, co-authored with his wife, Mary Ellen Goggin.  The husband-wife team hosts private couples retreats attended by couples from across the US and Canada.

 

 

 

Jerry

Jerry is a patient, warm-hearted therapist dedicated to guiding couples to breakthroughs. He has counseled individuals and couples for over 40 years, in a variety of settings. He received his Ph.D. in Psychology at Saybrook Institute in San Francisco and a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology at Antioch New England University. Jerry co-authored Relationship Transformation: How to Have Your Cake and Eat It Too with Mary Ellen Goggin — and they were married by chapter 3. Jerry brings a great depth and breadth of expertise to his work, and distills nuanced theories into actionable simplicity. He loves The New Yorker, dew-laden fairways, and dusty delta blues. His revolution: changing the world, one couple at a time. Read more about the retreats

14 Comments

  1. christian counseling madison wi on April 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I love your writing style genuinely enjoying this internet site. “Fools make researches and wise men exploit them.” by H. G. Wells.



  2. Vancouver WA Chiropractor on April 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch!



  3. modular log homes montana on May 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    I like what you guys are up too. Such smart work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my website :).



  4. Cleotilde Kittelson on May 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people think about worries that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks



  5. calculator second hand on May 13, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish only about gossips and web and this is actually annoying. A good web site with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.



  6. Hammered Copper Chandelier Earrings on May 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    You should take part in a contest for one of the most useful blogs online. I am going to recommend this site!



  7. web tv on May 14, 2012 at 2:40 am

    I think other site proprietors should take this web site as an model, very clean and great user genial style and design, let alone the content. You are an expert in this topic!



  8. more... on May 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Thanks so much pertaining to giving me an update on this matter on your blog. Please understand that if a fresh post becomes available or in the event that any modifications occur about the current article, I would be interested in reading a lot more and focusing on how to make good using of those methods you talk about. Thanks for your efforts and consideration of others by making your blog available.



  9. Julee Remiszewski on May 15, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    I am really inspired together with your writing talents and also with the format to your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it your self? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s uncommon to peer a great weblog like this one today..



  10. broadway tickets day of show nyc on May 16, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Hey! awesome blog! I happen to be a daily visitor to your site (somewhat more like addict :P ) of this website. Just wanted to say I appreciate your blogs and am looking forward for more to come!



  11. eight river suites on May 18, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I do love the manner in which you have framed this specific matter plus it really does give us some fodder for thought. However, from just what I have observed, I just simply trust when the actual feedback pile on that people remain on point and in no way start on a tirade of some other news of the day. Still, thank you for this superb piece and though I can not really go along with it in totality, I respect your perspective.



  12. hgh before and after pics on May 20, 2012 at 5:35 am

    I must thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I really hope to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal website now ;)



  13. recette crepe on May 20, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Helpful info discussed I am really pleased to read this particular post..many thanks with regard to providing all of us nice information.Great walk-through. I truly appreciate this article.



  14. Evelyne Cherubini on May 20, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I’ve learn several excellent stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how a lot attempt you put to make such a wonderful informative site.