Mary Ellen Goggin
If a confidential survey asked, “Are you in a happy marriage?” would you have an immediate answer? What if it asked, “Are you in an unhappy marriage?” Would you be able to answer “yes” or “no” confidently…and explain your answers? Sometimes the middle ground sounds something like, “Sure, we’re happy….Well, we’re not unnnhappy….” If you’re…
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Marriage and couples’ therapy is a unique and specialized niche in the world of psychotherapy. And the marriage retreat-with-counseling is an even more specialized niche within the realm of marriage and couples’ therapy. While individual therapy may be ideal when working through your personal history and issues, if your relationship is what ails you, a…
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No one argues with the need to head out of town for product training or team building for work. But why attend a marriage retreat for something that should just come naturally? After all, this is marriage, not a new software package. Well, okay. But we could get a little cheeky-metaphorical here and suggest that…
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Movies would have us believe that infidelity is best handled with clothes-burning and a martini to the face. Surviving infidelity in marriage is more dramatically portrayed as “surviving infidelity by leaving marriage.” (Overplayed, of course, by Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”) Reality, however, plays out in a different kind of theater and isn’t always so…
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How can you fix an unhappy marriage if you don’t even feel any happiness worth fighting for? Unfortunately, most couples wait too long before getting help — an average of six years according to marriage expert John Gottman. By the time many couples find their way onto the therapist’s couch, they have already made up…
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Gratitude is a “relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.” When we perceive that others appreciate us, we value our relationship with them. Grateful couples feel more satisfied in their relationship and closer to each other. Moreover, grateful couples are more likely to stay in their relationships according to expert research.
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Couples don’t always realize the damage they do to their marriage when they don’t talk through their problems. They hold back from expressing negative feelings such as anger, fear, and disappointment. When couples let unexpressed negative feelings accumulate, they unwittingly build is a wall between them. Each time an unresolved conflict goes unaddressed, a brick is added to the wall. The bigger the wall , the harder it is for couples to talk and feel close. Disconnection puts the relationship at risk.
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Our words account for only a tiny percentage of communication. Messages are also communicated by body language, facial expression, vocal tone, and other qualities of voice. If your words do not match with the tone of your non-verbal communication, then you are sending a mixed message. Mixed messages pose a problem for the receiver, who gets confused and sometimes feels the need to ask for clarification. By learning how to communicate with clarity, you learn to align your words, vocal tone, facial expression, and body language. Alignment of all the elements of communication leads to more coherent communication and reduces confusion and friction in relationships.
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