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Movies would have us believe that infidelity is best handled with clothes-burning and a martini to the face. Surviving infidelity in marriage is more dramatically portrayed as “surviving infidelity by leaving marriage.” (Overplayed, of course, by Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.”) Reality, however, plays out in a different kind of theater and isn’t always so…
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How can you fix an unhappy marriage if you don’t even feel any happiness worth fighting for? Unfortunately, most couples wait too long before getting help — an average of six years according to marriage expert John Gottman. By the time many couples find their way onto the therapist’s couch, they have already made up…
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Gratitude is a “relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.” When we perceive that others appreciate us, we value our relationship with them. Grateful couples feel more satisfied in their relationship and closer to each other. Moreover, grateful couples are more likely to stay in their relationships according to expert research.
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Couples don’t always realize the damage they do to their marriage when they don’t talk through their problems. They hold back from expressing negative feelings such as anger, fear, and disappointment. When couples let unexpressed negative feelings accumulate, they unwittingly build is a wall between them. Each time an unresolved conflict goes unaddressed, a brick is added to the wall. The bigger the wall , the harder it is for couples to talk and feel close. Disconnection puts the relationship at risk.
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If you’re married, you know the value of knowing how to communicate with your spouse without fighting. Conflict is inevitable. The difference between happy and unhappy marriages often hinges on a couple’s ability to resolve conflict. You may wonder if you can fix an unhappy marriage when you can’t even stop fighting long enough to feel…
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Our words account for only a tiny percentage of communication. Messages are also communicated by body language, facial expression, vocal tone, and other qualities of voice. If your words do not match with the tone of your non-verbal communication, then you are sending a mixed message. Mixed messages pose a problem for the receiver, who gets confused and sometimes feels the need to ask for clarification. By learning how to communicate with clarity, you learn to align your words, vocal tone, facial expression, and body language. Alignment of all the elements of communication leads to more coherent communication and reduces confusion and friction in relationships.
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Why wait for relationship happiness when you can jump-start the process? In the exercises from our past few posts, you’ve tuned into the deepest parts of yourself. Perhaps you discovered new aspects of your personality and behavior. Maybe you took a closer look at certain traits you’ve spent your life trying to ignore. You might…
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With all the turmoil happening in the world around us, each of us can benefit from learning how to create calmness within. Let’s start learning about your still point, the quiet place inside you where you are free of turmoil, self-judgment, and real-life pressures.
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