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We’re all human. Well, most of us. Invariably, during an intensive couples counseling retreat, Jerry and I exchange not-so-secret smiles of acknowledgment when one partner starts riffing about an ultra-annoying habit of the other. Think crinkling candy wrappers during movies, open-mouth chewing, fidgeting, fiddling, finger-tapping, incessant sighing, yelling from another room, not making eye contact,…
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Problems occur in a relationship when the partners have conflicting styles and perspectives about money. Even though money is a leading cause of divorce, couples rarely explore their individual money-selves before tying the knot. Often a money conflict sparks the discussion and sheds light on areas of incompatibility. Handled well (with awareness, understanding, and objectivity) different perspectives are not necessarily unworkable. In fact, many couples create financial plans that account for their individual money needs and wants, and find a complementary balance. The grinch curbs the spendthrift who loosens up the grinch to enjoy a moderate taste of the good life.
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What’s in it for me? Tell me…
This question might strike you as the epitome of selfishness. You might just want to chalk it up to the narcissistic culture which surrounds us. What’s in it for mecertainly lacks any sense of poetry, romance or selflessness.
Is there a righteous place in modern relationships for this line of inquiry?
Your relationship is always changing in perceptible and imperceptible ways. Even the most rock solid ones are in a state of flux. Like nature, relationships have seasons and rhythms. But within each “season”, couples build stronger unions or drift apart. Your thoughts, words, attitudes and behaviors dictate the direction . You can choose to move toward more intimacy and closeness or away toward isolation and alienation.
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Can a Sexless Relationship Thrive? Richard, a 40 year old client told me recently, “I’ve been married for nine years. My wife, Diane, means everything to me. I love her dearly. She is a great partner and companion. We‘ve created a wonderful life together. I know it may be weird, but we don’t have sex.…
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Relationship therapist offers advice for partners whose sex drives don’t match and a way to explore what could be the real cause and how to fix it.
Continue ReadingMany couples spend their evenings “together” watching television. While they want a non-demanding way to relax after work, tensions often arise when couples struggle over what they’re going to watch. I know a lot of men who watch sports and the news. Period. They’re not interested in Two and A Half Men or Thirty Rock.…
Continue ReadingJessica and Richard told me they were at the end of their 9 year marriage. Their relationship was draining their energy and optimism. She thought him self-centered and distant. He found her constant chatter annoying. They started counseling with me for the sake of their two children, but without much hope that their marriage could…
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